is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
