I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
