I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
