I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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