1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
