I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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