Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
God I need to hump something, right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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