That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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