respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
