Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
