He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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