I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
