dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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