Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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