Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
