He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
operation have a gay friend backfired
worst night to have a conscience
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
