meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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