just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
