There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My dick has a subreddit
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
