having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
