Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
