apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
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He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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