if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
