so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
