I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
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all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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