when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
