man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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