i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
