I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i now understand why vodka
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
