So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize