Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
