i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
