I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
