I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
