If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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