I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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