I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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