we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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