I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
