Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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