I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
