arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
