Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
