I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
