Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I need to stop coming to work sober
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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