so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this boner is exhausting
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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