That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
