the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
