OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
His nipple licking is glorious
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