Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
