I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
