i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
