Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
