You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
