Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You ruined the universe
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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