They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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