I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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