I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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