worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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