Don't you send me to vm
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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