the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
