I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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