my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
