..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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