I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
