I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
