.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
