Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
