I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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