Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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