My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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