I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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