i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.