Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
