im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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