i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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