My friends, they love my intelligence
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
