i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
