my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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