Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
