You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
