DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
