Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
