I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
