Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...