I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!