I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
